After two surgeries and a reconstruction on one breast your range of motion in your arm shrinks down considerably. Basically, what I am saying, is that to all of you that struggle with supermans and wall rolls, I feel your pain. Couple that with the pain of regenerating nerves, numbness in the oddest spots and the whole emotional roller coaster of being healthy your whole adult life and STILL getting breast cancer and you have an excellent recipe for depression. Which is what I was feeling all day yesterday. Of course each time I looked to the TV or social for distraction, there were stories of yet again, another mindless, hate filled tragedy and a message from someone telling me how much they miss my positive attitude in their life. Not how am I doing, but when can I get back to helping them, ummmm the minute I am done focusing on my own health, which is priority 1 in my life.
So, the depression deepened. You know the feeling, you are at the bottom of your ditch and it feels as though the sides have been greased and someone is shooting a fire hose down at you to keep you down. That was me. Yesterday.
In instances like this, you can work to flip your pyramid, or grab the noise maker, the spoon for ice cream and fully embrace the party of pity for one that you have invited yourself to. And that is mostly what I did yesterday. Not completely, because I do have the great support of my amazing husband who said in the afternoon, heh, let's go for a walk. Which, as you all know, instantly gave me a boost (walking is one of the best deterrents of depression). Perhaps, that one walk, gave me the motivation to stop the tears this morning and get out of bed, to make some coffee and to reach out to all of you with my blog. That one act of kindness by my husband to encourage and to support.
That one walk, the result of endless days of saying to my husband, I need more steps which set up a pattern in our lives where we walk and talk and support each other, holding the ladder on the days when the walls are greased and the fire hose is on and pointing down.
One walk, to make today a new day, with new possibilities, to be excited that my hand at the top of wall rolls got one inch closer to the wall, that on supermans my range of motion increased just a bit, that today I can flip my pyramid and contribute to the positive in this world instead of adding to the negative. The hate, the blame, the frustration. That I can choose to dwell on those things that are positive in my life instead of obsessing about the negative. That I can view this insane illness as an opportunity to grow, become even stronger, even more sure and sound in myself, my relationships and my purpose in life. That I can choose the road that leads me to new opportunities, new discoveries and most important a deeper love and understanding of me so that I take full responsibility for my life instead of blaming others, hating because I am not willing to work on myself (which is all hate is) and make each day filled with love,
So, I am challenging all of you that read this blog today. To flip your pyramid, to add to the world today by increasing the positive. To get up and walk when you need a lift or feel yourself going down the road of complaining, blaming and hate. In just one instance today, walk away instead of engaging the all too popular path of negativity. I will reach one inch higher today, what are you going to do? How are you going to increase the positive in your world, and in the world of others?
Each act of positivity counts. Reach!